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Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference. Aristotle: To actualize its potential. B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will. Buddha: If you meet the chicken on the road, kill it. Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being. Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees. David Hume: Out of custom and habit. Douglas Adams: Forty-two. Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death. Epicurus: For fun. Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain. Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life. Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas. Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian bi-ped with the temerity to attempt such an Herculean achievement formerly -relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence. Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason. Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD! Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road. Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it. Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability. Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence. Maciavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained. Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated. Molly Yard: It was a hen! Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too! Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you. Plato: For the greater good. Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road? Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it. Salvador Dali: The Fish. The Sphinx: You tell me. Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out. Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take. Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken ....was on, but it was moving very fast. Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.
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