|
 Comics Fans! THE TRUTH Is Revealed![This little nugget was forwarded to me through a friend, so I don't know the original author...I salute you, sir!]
Subject: Laughin' with Liefeld
Date: Wed, 16 Oct 1996 20:42:09 -0400
From: MLeon99@aol.com
To: oommp@webspan.net
In case anyone can't figure this out, I thought I'd point out this is a
SATIRE, before Rob tries to sue me.
Date: 10/32/96
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
ROB LIEFELD RESPONDS TO IMAGE, BLAMES DEVIL
As a result of Image Comics latest press release I am obliged to
respond to their latest attempts at spin control. The conflict that led to
my resignation from Image Comics began when my deal with Satan to become a
superstar comic book creator despite having no talent whatsoever was broken.
My deal with the Devil was that in return for my immortal soul,
Lucifer would ensure I became one of the most popular artists in the history
of the comics medium, despite my artistic talents have not progressed beyond
when I was in Mrs. Kruder's sixth grade art class. While I did think dealing
with the personification of evil was wrong, I believe I was working through
some of my own Christian beliefs. I guess growing up in a family of
preachers had more of an effect on me than I thought.
However, the Lord of Lies has been giving me increasingly bad
business advice, such as firing Chuck Dixon and Jim Valentino off of Captain
America and the Avengers, to sell Captain America ashcans without Marvel's
permission, and to draw my Captain America and Avengers pages while
intoxicated.
I have decided to sue Image Comics for a list of offenses, not
limited to and including that Marc Silvestri doesn't like me. It is every
American citizen's God-given right to engage in at least one frivolous
lawsuit in their lifetime. The woman who sued McDonald's because she spilled
coffee in her lap is my inspiration -- if she can win that, then I can win my
case against Image despite the fact that I deserved to be fired ... wait, I
quit, that's right ... from Image's Board of Directors.
So, as you will see in the pending court battle between Image
Comics and I, it was not my fault.
The devil made me do it.
Date: 10/33/96
From: Satan@hell.com
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
SATAN RESPONDS TO LIEFELD
As a result of Rob Liefeld's latest press release I am obliged to
respond to his latest attempts at spin control. The conflict that led to the
termination of my agreement with Rob Liefeld is due to the fact that it was
becoming increasingly difficult to fool the comic buying public that Rob had
a single talented bone in his body. Even my near-omnipotent power couldn't
convince anyone but Liefeld himself that Captain America #1 wasn't anything
but the single worst comic book ever produced.
I am far too busy directing my full unholy attention to another
loyal subject, Ron Perleman, who is in a crisis situation. Ron's plan to
completely destroy Marvel Comics, Inc., has gone awry, as many readers have
started to come back to the company and sales numbers are actually rising. I
and Ron will do everything in our power to ensure this trend of quality
comics storytelling does not continue. Next year's Marvel annual crossover
will cross over with every single Marvel comic ever published and the story
will be formatted so you will have to read every chapter to understand what's
going on. It is my crowning achievement since I invented the crossover.
I have abandoned Rob Liefeld to his own devices, unless he can make
our deal worth the effort I have to put into it to keep fooling the public
into buying his comics -- by, for example, sacrificing every man woman and
child in the state of California in my name.
Date: 10/34/96
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
ROB LIEFELD SUED BY EXTREME ARTISTS
Several members of Rob Liefeld's Extreme Studios have today filed
a lawsuit in Orange County Superior Court against Rob Liefeld, claiming the
fact that they have spent the last several years learning to draw exactly
like him, and that they will now not be able to procure work anywhere else in
the comics industry.
Liefeld himself was spotted at the Orange County courthouse
filing an additional lawsuit against Image Comics co-founder Jim Lee,
claiming Lee had "no right making his Heroes Reborn books better than mine. "
Date: 10/35/96
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
EXTREME ANNOUNCES FUTURE PROJECTS
Extreme Studios has announced its future publishing plans for '97.
It has been nearly two months since Rob Liefeld and Extreme Studios broke
ranks with Image Comics and consolidated its efforts under the Maximum Press
banner.
Extreme Studios continues to look towards the future and announced
its upcoming publishing plans for '97 and beyond. "First off, we're doing a
little house cleaning and embracing a new philosophy in regards to the books
we publish," says Extreme Studios President Rob Liefeld. "For the past two
years I have been sitting around my house, playing with my Youngblood action
figures (a bargain at 10 for $1 at your local Toys R' Us) and watching MTV,
while the people I hired to run my company made our titles and the subject
matter they contain grow darker and darker and I feel that we've gotten way
too close to the edge and it's time to pull back."
" I am disturbed by the fact that I see more and more of our titles
featuring mature or adult situations containing graphic violence and
language, seeing as how our core audience are ten-year-olds and in the case
of New Men, my grandmother, who bought the sole copy of that book we sold,
that was an inappropriate move. "
"I hold myself responsible for creating and publishing books that
glorified the dark side, such as Priest and other titles of similar subject
matter. With books like Priest, Prophet, Avengelyne and others, I believe I
was working through some of my own Christian beliefs by glamorizing scanitily
clad women as sex objects and extreme, graphic violence as a solution to
every problem. I guess growing up in a family of preachers had more of an
effect on me than I thought."
"I feel that we have explored and glorified the dark side of humanity
and nature long enough and my desire now is to return to a lighter, more
accessible comic book experience. While we realize that there is a segment
of fandom that craves the dark side, we feel that shifting our focus towards
a lighter, less menacing tone is the right move for our company. "
"I've grown uncomfortable with certain titles that we have produced
and feel the need to pull back and away from books that explore and promote
evil. Gone from our schedule are books such as Priest, Darkchylde and
Celestine. Avengelyne will be toned down and less racy, making it more
accessible to the younger reader. "
When asked how he plans on doing that, Liefeld replied, "I have
instructed the artists drawing Avengelyne to reduce the size of her breasts
to small watermelons instead of beach balls. And we're getting rid of the
brown velvet hot pants."
"In light of this new philosophy, books like Youngblood, Glory,
Prophet and the NewMen will be brought to the forefront with Extreme Genesis.
Originally planned for a January release, Extreme Genesis has been
rescheduled to February due to our situation with Image Comics."
Extreme Genesis will be ushered in with a special Extreme Genesis #0
that will introduce the reader to the new world of Extreme and how it exists
outside of Image Comics. The new Extreme universe will be combined with the
licensed universe of Saban's Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers and Big Bad
Beetleborgs in an 'Amalgam'-type reality. Highlights include Badrock joining
the Power Rangers as the Rock Ranger, Chapel killing Zordon, the Pink Ranger
posing for a men's magazine and being forced to leave the Power Rangers, and
a new title called Blood Beetles. The entire writing staff of Extreme's new
titles will be replaced by the writers of the Power Rangers and Big Bad
Beetleborg television shows, who promise to deliver the same kind of
mindless, kid-friendly violence as the TV shows.
In order to support his new venture, Liefeld has filed a lawsuit in
Orange County Superior Court, suing anyone who ever said anything bad about
him. After an entire, comprehensive list of defendants has been compiled,
the case will go to court. Liefeld's lawyers expect this to be no later than
January 1st, 2130.
Liefeld is also excited about his upcoming film deals. " We're
very close to signing Pamela Lee to play the lead role in the BADROCK film.
I'm psyched! Of course, the concept will need a little tweaking, but unlike
other films based on comics, this one will be true to the source material.
I've had to fire ... er, let go several screenwriters and directors because
of creative differences, so I've decided to write and direct the film myself,
which begins shooting next week in Los Angeles. "
When asked if the Badrock film would confict with his schedule on
Captain America and the Avengers, Liefeld assured that it wouldn't. " I'll
work on them during lunch and when I'm in the can. "
"As I continue to work on books such as Captain America and the
Avengers, turning out a page every five minutes, " Liefeld concludes, "I am
reminded of the magic that comics can offer the reader. My goal and that of
my company is to return to the basics that our predecessors built this
industry on -- without me actually having to bother to learn how to draw or
write, of course."
Date: 10/36/96
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
LIEFELD FIRES HIMSELF
In a surprise move, Rob Liefeld today fired himself as president and
publisher of Extreme Studios and Maximum Press. Liefeld then claimed he was
not fired, that he handed himself a written resignation moments before he
voted to remove himself from the positions.
Liefeld said to expect him to file a lawsuit against himself for the recovery
of $1,000,000 based on claims of breach of contract, libel, and slander.
When Liefeld was asked about his defense in the lawsuit against himself, he
simply said:
"Insanity."
************* Th-th-that's all, folks!************************************
|
The Laughing Place Top
Back to Dan's Wide World of Stuff!