From an internal memorandum sent last April to the writing staff of The Tick, a Saturday-morning cartoon on the Fox-TV Network, by Linda Shima-Tsuno, the policy editor of the network's Broadcast Standards and Practices Department. The staff had submitted to the department an outline of a script for a proposed episode entitled "The Tick vs. Continuing Education"; after receiving the memo, the writers abandoned the script.
This is to confirm that I have received and read the latest outline of the episode and have the following comments: It will not be acceptable to have this story revolve around a Unabomber-type villain. In the last outline, there was only one explosion. It happened at the end of the story, underwater, and caused no serious damage. Now the entire story is built around the explosion of bombs. Either the villain and his method of operation need to be changed entirely or the types of devices he uses need to be presented more in the realm of fantasy. Their effects can still be 1) releasing a deluge of suds in the grocery store, 2) melting the car, or 3) freezing the Tick and Arthur, but they must not be referred to as "bombs", and the villain must not be referred to as an "Evil Bomber". Page 1: It will not be acceptable for the Four-Legged Man to be a victim of a car-bombing explosion at the Burger Bucket. Page 2: It will not be acceptable for the Four-Legged Man to be seriously injured with "two splinted legs . . . a neck brace and a head bandage". He may be prevented from teaching his class due to some MINOR injury, or for another reason, such as a common cold or flu or car trouble. Page 4: It will not acceptable for the villain to be "busy cutting wires, building bombs", or saying, "I am the Evil Bomber, What Bombs at Midnight". He may, however, be portrayed as a mad scientist working on his inventions. Page 8: Please change the contents of the "shopping cart full of bombs" to soap boxes or something that does not look like a bomb. Page 9: The store can fill up with soap suds, but please show that the people in the store escape unharmed. They can float out the front doors or some such. Page 10: Make sure that when the supermarket event is covered on the TV news, the reporter does not refer to "bombs" or an "explosion." Page 11: The villain's line relating to his intention to blow up the pharmacy "to smithereens, baby" is unacceptable. However, if all direct bombing elements are removed from the script, this line may remain as a figure of speech. Please substitute the label on the bag that reads "Heat Bombs" with something like "Heat Pellets". Page 13: It will not be acceptable for the villain to say, "There is a bomb on the bus. So I says the bus goes boom, baby." Page 15: The devices put on the villain's car must be of a fantasy type--something that doesnt result in a harmful explosion. It will not be acceptable for the car to "explode" with the villain still inside it, or for us to see the "charred remains".
Of course, those who know me know that I can't let this go by without adding my two bits of cynicism.Here's a comment I posted on Usenet recently.
R. Ryan wrote: > > FYI, This was Published in Harper's Magazine, March 1997: > > From an internal memorandum sent last April to the writing staff of The > Tick, a Saturday-morning cartoon on the Fox-TV Network, by Linda > Shima-Tsuno, the policy editor of the network's Broadcast Standards and > Practices Department. The staff had submitted to the department an > outline of a script for a proposed episode entitled "The Tick vs. > Continuing Education"; after receiving the memo, the writers abandoned the > script.[..snipped memo, since most have probably seen it...]
I can't believe that overly-sensitive, beyond-politically-correct, humorless fools would tear this Evil Midnight Bomber [...] episode apart like that! If the folks at Fox bothered to check previous eps, they'd see that the Bomber is a recurring character, and would not be misconstrued as some Unabomber parody. After more than a year since the Unabomber's capture, I think that anyone with a double-digit IQ or higher can tell the difference between a derange human being and a character so cartoonish, his explosives should have "ACME" on the sides of the boxes. The forbiddance of buildings exploding also makes no sense, since they allowed the Comet Club's sidekick lounge/shack to blow up with people(?) in it. Having 4-Legged Man miss a class due to a cold, to avoid blowing up his car? What would that have to do with the story? And having the Bomber blow up on a bus would've been classic, since the character's personality is based on a Dennis Hopper character..."Speed" references would abound! :)
The line-by-line editing reminds me (unfavorably) of the treatment the Kricfalusi-era (ie. "funny") eps of Ren & Stimpy went through. If you can find the write up (I found it in an old "Film Threat" about a year ago), give it a look, it's another example of People Who Must Save Us From Ourselves by sacrificing the humor from a brilliant comedy.
--
Dan O'Leary
dano@raven.cybercomm.net
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