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Rochelle Ratner
PERSON WITH A MASK ON | ATLANTIC CITY
BOARDWALK:
The poems included on this site are from Sea Air In A Grave Ground Hog Turns Toward, 'Gull Publications, 1979 (o.o.p.), a book retracing the steps of her childhood in Atlantic City. She's also written two novels (Bobby's Girl and The Lion's Share, both published by Coffee House Press). Bobby's Girl, published in 1986, takes the Atlantic City of the 1950s and 1960s as its internal, as well as its external, landscape. Most recently, she edited the landmark anthology, Bearing Life: Womens' Writings on Childlessness (The Feminist Press, 2000) which won the Fifteenth annual Susan Koppelman Award. She's executive editor of The American Book Review, a former board member of The National Book Critics Circle, and reviews frequently for Library Journal and other publications. On the Internet, three of her o.o.p. books (The Tightrope Walker, The Mysteries, and her translations of the Belgian/French surrealist Paul Colinet) can be found at the CAPA site. A longer photo / poem project based on her 1980 collection Hide and Seek can be accessed off the Light and Dust site. PERSON WITH A MASK ON I. I tell you I'm from Atlantic City.Then I go on to explain that I'm from Margate, a suburb where most of the richer people live. Already I've given more of myself than you realize. You should visit here -- you'll understand me, you'll know why I'm shy at times and bold almost arrogant at other times. You'll find traces of me in alleys behind buildings or vacant lots where buildings were torn down. You'll find traces in the traffic lights each corner. Laughing, I say again this is where I came from. Always past tense. I speak as if this town and I were separate.
II. Look for what's missing.You'll see the weeds that I picked as a child and gave my mother the weeds that I kept for myself the weeds I didn't pick one year because I found a building had been built there -- the yellow brick school we lived next door to. It was a part of me also. They promised my parents when we bought our house they didn't have plans to build for at least ten years. This was four years later. No more weeds left.
III. Look at those wavesout there along the ocean. Since you can't take one and hold it in your hand you say it's not real. We speak of the ocean as calm today. I speak of myself with a headache or an earache. Like the wave it won't be real without me. You see a pigeon rushing toward the food I offer up. But what if I didn't throw it, just made motions, my arm reaching toward my pocket emerging fist closed gesturing to air? He would still dart against me. And the other birds would think I'd fed him. Everyone complains about those pigeons. Nests on buildings. Crap around you everywhere you look.
IV. I speak of myself as a bird.But you understand what I'm saying. Bird, city, me. The old lighthouse now painted red where it used to be blue my grandfather's house so large I can't remember all the rooms, with a third floor that I've never even seen (he lives alone there now ever since his wife died) my father's office which he keeps expanding the boat ride we took around the island and the men who begged for coins along the boardwalk. I show you my grandfather's house, my father's office. Nothing more. I give you my hand, bent at the wrist. I brought you here to show you parts of things. Like a jigsaw puzzle. Only this time nothing fits together. The city stays the same. It's we who change it. We tear down an old hotel to build a new one; we call an old place by a modern name. We never think about landmarks. Or if we do we want them to be the way that waves are. Distorting shape and form. Always of interest.
ATLANTIC CITY BOARDWALK: THE THIRD ATTRACTION Searching for the man at Planter's Peanuts who, when they were kids, shook hands with them his costume like a straw balloon around his torso. This new man isn't the same: not tall enough, and look how that skinny suit fits him. Even his jet black arm shoots out too quickly: a boat caught in the marsh, its oars for rudders. Peanut shells tossed into water drift off slowly, floating.
TASTE Ingredients thrown together with nothing in common: I want to scream to the baker in the window that his cakes cannot succeed because too many people watch him. He smiles and stirs. He pours the mixture gently. It took him thirty years to learn to do that. Slower than him, I've spent my life relating. Always through a showcase window on the Boardwalk where the man who makes taffy tries to stretch his life out. I've been going away for four years and coming back once a summer on vacation -- all the different flavors, shapes, and colors. Let me get the candy off my fingers.
Copyright © Rochelle Ratner. All Rights Reserved. |
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